Great Review from www.teensreadtoo.com
Rating: 5 Stars

Millions of people suffer from anxiety disorder (panic attacks) on a daily basis. Most suffer needlessly, either due to lack of medical treatment, misdiagnosis, or ignorance of the condition. I DON’T WANT TO BE CRAZY is one woman’s brave confession of her struggles with the debilitating disorder.

Samantha Schutz was first diagnosed with anxiety disorder at age seventeen, after years of suffering with the problem. She uses this memoir to describe the devastating effects of the condition on her life and her relationships. The book chronicles the ups and downs of Samantha’s life from age seventeen until she graduates from college and gets her first job in the publishing industry.

Told in verse, the story reveals everything from the gripping terror of the attacks to the many therapists she consulted for help. Samantha titles her entries with the current drugs (Klonopin, Serzone, Xanax, Paxil, etc.) and the dosages she was
prescribed to treat her condition. She also explains her attempts to stop the medications, and her belief that things would get better, only to relapse with increasing frequency.

Samantha's honesty is evident throughout. She doesn't promise miracle cures, and she truly marvels at the support she received from her family and most of her friends. This is an inspiring book for anyone living with or connected to someone
living with anxiety disorder.

So I promised I would update about the new book, so here I am. Thanks to all who emailed me girl names...I finally decided on Annaleah.

I've been working on the outline a lot recently and even enlisted my friend Judy to help me brainstorm. So far, the story is that Annaleah, a sixteen year old girl, lives next to a cemetery--which is sort of ironic since she's never actually known anyone who's died. She's visited the cemetery since she was a little kid, but she's not at all dark or goth. She just thought that it was fun to make up stories about the names and dates on the headstones. But Annaleah's life is suddenly turned upside down the summer after her junior year when her boyfriend unexpectedly dies. Don't worry. That doesn't give anything away. I'm pretty sure the book begins at his funeral.

To prepare for writing this book I've spent some time at a little cemetery near where I grew up. I'll be basing the cemetery in my story on it.

I've also been reading some really great books. I definitely recommend Good Grief by Lolly Winston (it's funny and poignant at the same time) and The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (I'm only about 50 pages in, but it's already really intense). I also read parts of Stiff: The Curious Life of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach. It's really interesting and kind of gross and scary at the same time.

Ok, hopefully more to come soon...

NEW BOOK!

So I've started thinking about my new book. "Started" isn't really the right word as I've been tossing around an idea for the last year. But it's summer and this weather (and sitting in a coffee shop with my laptop) makes me think of 2 summers ago when I was finishing writing I Don't Want to Be Crazy.

It's been hard to get motivated--I've never written fiction and it seems daunting to create an entire world, that includes believable characters . . . but I think that I'm finally ready to start writing (that means getting a sample to my glorious editor to see if he likes it).

One thing that keeps me from starting to write (ok, it's really moslty plain old procrastination) is that I have no name for my main character. It's really hard to find a name for her. Got any ideas of a good name for a 16 year old girl? Post them in the comments section or email me at samanthaschutz@hotmail.com.

So I suppose I should say what I'm writing about. Would that somehow jinx me? OK, all I'll say now is that it's about a girl who lives next door to a cemetery.

Will it be prose or verse, you ask? I'm not sure, but I am leaning toward verse.

I've been a crappy blogger up until now, but I'll keep you all up to date on how the writing is going.

OK. Time to brainstorm about my cemetery-girl....

The paperback is coming! The paperback is coming!

The paperback edition of I Don't Want to Be Crazy will be out this August.

It's only $7.99
288 pages!
229 poems!

Order it now!

http://www.amazon.com/I-Dont-Want-Be-Crazy/dp/0439805198/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-1753127-9961647?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1180292560&sr=8-1

Free podcast of me reading from I Don't Want to Be Crazy

Listen to a reading I did at KGB. It's very NY--you can even hear the occasional fire truck go by!

It's free...
com/index.php?post_id=122874">
http://www.indiefeedpp.libsyn.com/
index.php?post_id=122874

Last week Scholastic celebrated PUSH's fifth anniversary with in-house readings by a variety of its authors. Seen here (l. to r.): Billy Merrell (Talking in the Dark), Coe Booth (Tyrell), David Levithan (founder and editor of PUSH), Thu-Huong Ha (Hail Caesar), Brian James (Dirty Liar), Samantha Schutz (I Don't Want to Be Crazy) and Eirreann Corrigan (Ordinary Ghosts).
From Publishers Weekly:

"Five years ago this month, Scholastic launched its PUSH imprint, spearheaded by David Levithan, who is now editorial director of Scholastic Press and PUSH. Focused on publishing cutting-edge books for teens written by first-time authors, the line was an editorial experiment that has clearly worked. PUSH has published more than 20 titles by such authors as Markus Zusak, Kevin Brooks, Patricia McCormick and Chris Wooding, and there are more than 1.2 million copies of its books in print.
To commemorate the imprint's fifth anniversary, the publisher is releasing This Is PUSH: New Stories from the Edge, an anthology of tales by PUSH authors edited by Levithan. And in March, Levithan and four authors of new PUSH books will hit the road, visiting five cities (New York, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., Atlanta and Miami).
Levithan, who began at Scholastic as an intern at the age of 19, was an associate editor at the house when the issue of a new teen imprint first came up. "I asked the question of what kind of teen publishing we wanted to do at Scholastic, and that question turned into a four-year conversation," he recalls. When the conversation finally wrapped up, he says, "We took the radical approach of going with first-time writers and being on the cutting edge of teen publishing. Our idea was to give aspiring authors a chance and to be a magnet to attract people who hadn't dreamed of writing. We gave them a space to do that. As a result we have a largely very young, very diverse group of PUSH authors.""

Just found out that I was named to the ALA's Quick Picks for Reluctant Readers list!

That means they think that teens who generally don't like to read will like my book.
That's awseome!

Thanks American Library Association.

(Isn't this photo of the best bling ever?!)

The PUSH Antholgy is available NOW!

It's only $6.99 and features new work by all 15 of your favorite PUSH authors--

including a new poem by me! (It's over ten pages long.)

Check http://thisispush.com/ for more info . . .

I'll post an excerpt soon.
-sam

Yippie! More reviews.
This one is from VOYA (Voice of Youth Adovcates)
http://www.voya.com/

In this moving memoir, Schutz details her struggle with anxiety disorder. She has always been a perfectionist, thanks in great part to her parents' constant pushing. Shortly after beginning college, Schutz starts to experience strange symptoms-shaking, sweating, racing thoughts, and feeling trapped in her own body-which turn out to be panic attacks. The fear and discomfort of the attacks rule her life. She relies heavily on medication to regulate her days, but worries that she is only able to cope with her disorder because of the medication. Even with pills and therapists, Schutz battles fear, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. Her illness bewilders her, at one point even forcing Schutz to wonder if she is doing it to herself. Schutz worries that perhaps she needs this disorder, that maybe she does not want to get well. Schutz vacillates between feeling as if she has conquered her affliction to being right back in the thick of it, feeling alone, scared, and desperate. The ending seems hopeful, but given her past, it is hard to be certain that she has overcome her demons. Written in verse, this memoir successfully conveys what it is like to suffer from panic attacks. The intense tone often feels frantic and breathless, pulling the reader into Schutz's frame of mind. Her story will have a wide appeal thanks to both its content and form. Once readers pick up this insightful debut, they will not be able to put it down.

A very nice review from School Library Journal!!!

School Library Journal, January 2007

In this “memoir in verse,” Schutz comes to terms with an anxiety disorder that surfaced and plagued her throughout and after her college years. Readers accompany the author from the summer after high school, through college, on a semester abroad in Paris, and into her first job after graduation. Typical early-adulthood issues such as boyfriends, sex, drinking, grades, and family are woven throughout her struggle with physically and mentally debilitating panic attacks. The author had the courage and wisdom to seek professional help and embarked on a long and often bumpy road to treating her disorder. The decision to write in verse proves fitting; in the scenes in which a panic attack is approaching, for example, the short lines of text echo the breathless terror described within. Though the book begins to feel repetitive toward its conclusion, the repetition simultaneously reflects the cyclical nature of Schutz’s disorder and one’s college years. Aptly, the book ends without absolute closure, and while luckily not all teens will find themselves in identical situations, many young people transitioning to adulthood will find a part of themselves in this overwhelming, and seemingly never-ending, search for self-identity.

–Jill Heritage Maza, Greenwich High School, CT

Yippie!
I was nominated for these two library booklists:

American Library Association Best Books For Young Adults
American Library Association Quick Picks for Reluctant Young Adult Readers

Thanks to all who nominated me!
Hopefully I will get listed!

www.ala.org/yalsa/booklists

UPDATE: You can read a transcript of the chat here:
http://www.realmentalhealth.com/

Hi all,
I will be moderating a chat at realmentalhealth.com on TUESDAY oct 10th at 9pm (EST).
I'll be talking (writing?) about my book and anxiety disorder. Hope you'll stop by and check it out.

Thanks!

Last night Ned Vizzini and I read to a packed house at KGB Bar in NYC. Clearly, I read from I Don't Want to Be Crazy. Ned read from It's Kind of a Funny Story, a semi-autobiographical novel about a teen boy hospitalized for depression.
http://www.nedvizzini.com/

Contrary to how it may sound (anxiety + depression = big downer) it was a really good time. Ned is hilarious. He's also a very talented writer and speaker. There was also a great crowd there--lots of friends, co-workers, and strangers. I like strangers.

A nice surprise was the appearance of Wess "Mongo" Jolley from IndieFeed Podcast Network. He created a podcast of my reading. 16 minutes of me reading from Part I of my memoir. It's all Samantha all the time! You can put me inside your little ipod and take me with you. How super is that?!

As of 8/24 you can get the podcast for FREE using the info below. I'll do my best to add it to my myspace page or something, but I'm not so savvy with these newfangled electronics.

Also, photos of the event to come soon...

To get the podcast:
Subscribe via iTunes:
http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=120373332&s=143441

Subscribe via an aggregator such as Juice or iPodder (paste this link into your aggregator) : http://feeds.feedburner.com/IndiefeedPerformancePoetry

Or, if you want to just download one show at a time, you can do that through our site:
http://performancepoetry.indiefeed.com/

I have been reluctant to post random happenings in my blog, but today I was struck by something so bizarre that I had to write about it.

Today I had lunch with a co-worker at a Thai restaurant in Soho. It's called Peep. Lovely atmosphere, if a little loud, and the food was delicious and well priced. I hadn't thought of the name much . . . except for making a brief connection to those marshmallow chicks . . . until I went to the bathroom.

The two bathrooms doors were flush with the back wall of the restaurant. A little weird to walk into the bathroom next to a table, but not the end of the world. When I went inside I had some trouble finding the light. I turned around to keep looking, and was BEYOND shocked to find that I had a view of the ENTIRE restaurant! I froze. What that fuck? I thought. I tried to remind myself that the exterior of the wall was mirrored, but it didn't help much. [I kept questioning if they really had been mirrored, or if I just thought they were.] I stood there for a moment, watching people eat and waiters running around. Was I seriously supposed to pee while looking at 50 strangers . . .who were eating?

Needless to say I have never peed so quickly or with so much anxiety in life.

So, that's it.
Happy Friday.

I hope you all get to pee in peace this weekend.

sam

I feel like it's my birthday! I just saw these two reviews and couldn't be happier!

"A young author makes a stunning debut with this poetry memoir documenting her personal battle with anxiety disorder and the incapacitating panic attacks that first struck during college. Schutz bares all but is never tedious as she documents the difficulties of finding a good doctor and the right medication while struggling to finish college and set her own course apart from her parents. Anxiety disorders affect an estimated 13 percent of the adult population of the U.S., and Schutz performs a valuable service with this firsthand account of the torment they experience."
--The Buffalo News

"[Schutz's] tale is related in an intimate poetry memoir that is compelling and informative."
--Detroit Free Press

My next reading is going to be super.

I am reading with Ned Vizzini, author of It's Kind of a Funny Story, a semi-autobiographical novel about a teen hospitalized for depression.

You might be thinking, "Anxiety and depression . . . what a downer." But I can promise there's also a healthy dose of humor in there, too.

August 22, 2006

7pm

KGB Bar: 85 East 4th Street

www.samanthaschutz.net

www.nedvizzini.com

www.kgbbar.com

From Scholastic.com

“This week at Scholastic headquarters in New York, Trade publishing editor Samantha Schutz told co–workers about some of her greatest personal struggles. No, this wasn’t an impromptu group therapy session, but a "Library Lunchtime Talk" during which Schutz gave one of the first public readings of I Don’t Want to Be Crazy, a poetry memoir about her struggle with anxiety disorder. Released this month under the Scholastic PUSH imprint, the book is already on The Poetry Foundation’s top ten Children’s Best Sellers list.

Introducing the Scholastic employee and first–time author, Scholastic editorial director and executive editor David Levithan said, “Some people use words to hide themselves, others to find themselves. Samantha has used words to find herself, and is brave enough to share them with others.” And share she did, reading poems that describe—sometimes breath to breath—the panic attacks that intensified during her freshman year in college. Based on journals she kept throughout her college years, the poems vividly convey what the experience of an anxiety attack is like—and describe how Schutz learned to cope, with help from campus health services, a therapist, and a psychiatrist.

Schutz recommends this very personal memoir to readers age 14 and up. She is currently talking with representatives of psychiatric associations, clinics, and other interested groups about how her book can be used as a tool to help the thousands of children and adolescents who have anxiety disorder.

You can read more about I Don’t Want To Be Crazy on scholastic.com, and check out her biography while you’re there. Samantha’s personal website has excerpts from her book, links to info resources on anxiety disorder and other mental health concerns, and news about her upcoming readings and events. You can also find out about the Scholastic PUSH imprint, which is dedicated to new authors and new voices, at thisispush.com.”

Last night I had my book party in NYC. It was amazing. I am so lucky to have oodles of friends and family--and even strangers--that came out to support me.

Many thanks to everyone who made it to my party and thanks to all who support me from afar.

luv,

samie

This is my "People Have Problems...and So Do You" booklist.

I know I am forgetting some amazing books, but will add more soon. Feel free to add comments of other books I forgot.

Teen Angst? Naaah...: A Quasi-Autobiography
Ned Vizzini
A collection of essays written by the author from age fifteen to seventeen in which he shares impressions of school, sports, cool people, boring people, friends, family, money, music, and obsessions.

It's Kind of a Funny Story
Ned Vizzini
Craig Gilner is a gifted 15-year-old boy who works hard to get into a fiercely competitive high school, then crumbles under the intense academic pressure. Blindsided by his inability to excel and terrified by thoughts of suicide, Craig checks into a psychiatric hospital where he finally gets the help he needs.

Luna
Julie Anne Peters
"This novel sensitively portrays the life of a transgender teen through the eyes of a sympathetic younger sister," wrote PW.

Skin
Adrienne Maria Vrettos
Fourteen-year-old Donnie's older sister, Karen, has always been the one person in his life on whom he could totally depend. But as Karen slowly slips away in the grip of an eating disorder, Donnie finds himself alone in facing the trauma of his parents' faltering marriage and his new life as an outcast at school.

Burn Journals
Brent Runyon
Runyon's first-person account of his close brush with death and his painful rehabilitation is reminiscent of Girl, Interrupted and Running with Scissors.

Talking in the Dark
Billy Merrell
Merrell lays open the journal of his life, taking readers with him through his parents' divorce, his awakening sexuality, and his quest to find love and acceptance while discovering himself in the process.

Perfect
Natasha Friend
Following the death of her father, a thirteen-year-old uses bulimia as a way to avoid her mother's and ten-year-old sister's grief, as well as her own.

Cut
Patricia McCormick
While confined to a mental hospital, thirteen-year-old Callie slowly comes to understand some of the reasons behind her self-mutilation, and gradually starts to get better.

Crank
Ellen Hopkins
This devastating story, told in poetry, is even more frightening because it is based on the author's own experiences with her addicted daughter.

Wild Roses
Deb Caletti
Seventeen-year-old Cassie Morgan has a secret: She's living with a time bomb (a.k.a. her stepfather, Dino Cavalli). To the public, Dino is a world-renowned violinist and composer. To Cassie, he's an erratic, self-centered bully.

Stop Pretending: What Happened when My Big Sister Went Crazy
Sonya Sones
A younger sister has a difficult time adjusting to life after her older sister has a mental breakdown.

Speak
Laurie Halse Anderson
When Melinda Sordino's friends discover she called the police to quiet a party, they ostracize her, turning her into an outcast -- even among kids she barely knows. But even worse than the harsh conformity of high-school cliques is a secret that you have to hide.

Smack
Melvin Burgess
After running away from their troubled homes, two English teenagers move in with a group of squatters in the port city of Bristol and try to find ways to support their growing addiction to heroin.

Damage
Amanda M. Jenkins
Seventeen-year-old football hero Austin, trying to understand the inexplicable depression that has drained his interest in life, thinks that he has found relief in a girl who seems very special.

Shattering Glass
Gail Giles
When Rob, the charismatic leader of the senior class, turns the school nerd into Prince Charming, his actions lead to unexpected violence.

You Remind Me Of You
Eireann Corrigan
Struggling for years with eating disorders, in and out of treatment facilities, Eireann Corrigan is teetering on the brink of no return when her high school boyfriend attempts suicide.

Detour: My Bipolar Road Trip in 4-D
Lizzie Simon
What is it like to be "bipolar"? Lizzie Simon, a 23-year-old afflicted with this form of mental ailment, goes on a road trip in search of others like her and tells all in this frank and surprising memoir.

Kissing Doorknobs
Terry Spencer Hesser, A. J. Allen (Afterword)
Fourteen-year-old Tara describes how her increasingly strange compulsions begin to take over her life and affect her relationships with her family and friends.

Just Checking
Emily Colas
A frank and funny first-person account of living with obsessive-compulsive disorder.